Boys Life

What does this mean?  Well, lets start with the basics, I am a 31 year old white male, straight, over 6 feet tall, and have been described recently as, “maybe too good looking” and “gorgeous.”  I spend my days below 14th St. and generally above Canal.  I’ve had girlfriends, I’ve been “in love,” I’ve had my heart ripped out and handed to me by numerous women in my day, and I’ve done my share of ripping, too.

After a 4 year relationship ended with less fanfare than a mattress sale, followed quickly by a short (well not that short, but it shoulda been) and tumultuous affair that spanned our great nation (LA, ya know) and robbed me of hundreds of thousands of airline miles, I am, Single Again.

I’m going to try and not make this a douchey tell all about banging girls in NY.  I’m not going to get into really raunchy details.  I don’t want to embarrass any ladies that unwittingly make out with me at the Jane Hotel, and I don’t want to paint a vulgar picture of men. We are really just looking for someone to love who loves us back.

Speaking of love, these past two ladies made me realize that I am totally incapable of having an adult relationship at this point in my life. So although I am still on this vision quest for love, I realize I’m basically the human emotional version of “halfway through  the Lord of the Rings trilogy” or for the older audience, in the middle of “Empire.”  Basically what I’m saying is that I’ve got a long way to go, but all the really cool shit is happening now or about to happen.

I’ve never known as much about women my entire life as i do right now. My “age reach” will never be greater. I’ve been investigating and, basically, women from 18 to as old and haggard as I’m willing to go all want to sleep with me.  I’ve really never looked or dressed better,  I don’t do the flashy stuff the young kids get away with, but usually I look like an adult and that’s a bonus in most situations.  I still look cool on a skateboard, which infuriates my best friend (Yes, ladies. Guys have besties, too) because it’s like having a giant bell to ring and scream, “Over here, ladies,” but you’re not actually doing anything. You have to be able to own it and if you’re not a skater don’t fake it cause the better birds know the difference. It really is a good tool though. For example:

I’m just minding my own business popping over a sewer cap and just skating by Magnolia and Marc Jacobs on Bleeker.  ( and yes I know it’s the Marc by Marc Jacobs, the actual Marc Jacobs is in Soho)  That snap draws attention but I look like I don’t have a clue you’re there, I’m just being cute on my way to Joe’s Pizza.  Maybe I stop, maybe I don’t, but you saw me, and NY is really fucking small, so we are probably going to see each other again.

OK so, I dress relatively adultish. I still look good on a skateboard, which keeps me boyish. I have all my hair. I can get into most clubs and bars no problem. I understand women better than I ever have before. All I need to do is a little growing up and self discovery and I will be ready for love.

So until I meet the girl of my dreams, basically just like my last girlfriend just better looking and not totally insane. Until she bumps into me at Whole Foods, she’s singing “Some girls are bigger than others” on her iPod and didn’t notice me reaching for the granny smith apples and walks right into my arm. Until this happens, which totally could on any given early in the week weeknight, when I accompany said best friend while he buys groceries, (I have not gotten to the grocery stage of adult hood yet, so I just roll with him and try and make eye contact, and he throws out the occasional “How do you tell which ones are ripe?” to fruit browsing ladies) Until that magic day, I will keep going to therapy and try to become a better person. One day I actually may be ready to have what they call a “true partnership with another human being.” SO, UNTIL THAT DAY, these are my adventures.

Boys Life

PS:

If I do end up sleeping with a girl that “squirts,” I will break my rules about not getting douchey and divulge all details in their entirety including iphone pics of wet spots on my bed.  Sorry. I mature slowly.